THE STIFFYS’ PHONE ADVICE HOTLINE – WEEK FOUR

LACHLAN
WEDNESDAY FIVE FIFTEEN PM
HI LACHLAN LUCKILY YOU’VE COME TO THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS WHEN IT COMES TO MARIO CART WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS PRESS THE ACCELERATE BUTTON JUST BEFORE THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN THAT WAY YOU GET A BOOST TO START YOU OFF THEN WHEN YOU’RE GOING AROUND CORNERS YOU SHOULD USE THE JUMP BUTTON AND DO THE SLIDE MOVE AS FOR WHICH CHARACTER TO CHOOSE I WOULD DEFINITELY SAY YOSHI OR TOAD BECAUSE THEY’RE SMALL GUYS AND THEY ACCELERATE REALLY QUICKLY I HOPE THAT HELPS LACHLAN PS THIS IS ADAM FROM THE STIFFYS HERE

THE STIFFYS PHONE ADVICE HOTLINE – WEEK THREE

ANONYMOUS

TUESDAY ONE THIRTY TWO PM

HI ANONYMOUS WE COMMEND YOU ON YOUR BRIEF MESSAGE IT’S SO MINIMAL AND SO ART IT’S PROBABLY THE MOST ART PHONE ADVICE HOTLNE QUESTION WE’VE EVER RECEIVED WE COMMEND YOU ON YOUR BREVITY ANONYMOUS

ALSO CAN EVERYBODY PLEASE REMEMBER TO SAY WHERE THEY ARE CALLING FROM PLEASE WE ARE TRYING TO FOSTER A SENSE OF COMMUNITY 

THE STIFFYS PHONE ADVICE HOTLINE – WEEK TWO

WELCOME TO THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF THE STIFFYS’ PHONE ADVICE HOTLINE GREAT QUESTIONS EVERYBODY PS CAN EVERYBODY PLEASE START SAYING WHO THEY ARE AND WHERE THEY’RE FROM

DUGALD

FRIDAY THREE OCTOBER TWO THOUSAND AND FOURTEEN

SIX FORTY FIVE PM

HI DUGALD FIRSTLY GREAT JOB ON BUYING A BMX BIKE WE’LL GIVE YOU A COOLBOY TIP STRAIGHT UP IF YOU CLIP BASKETBALL CARDS TO THE SPOKES WITH A CLOTHES PEG IT SOUNDS LIKE A MOTORCYCLE AND ALL THE GIRLS WILL BE LIKE WHAAAAT I THINK THE STIFFYS ARE COMING AND YOU’LL BE ALL LIKE YEAH THEY’RE ON THEIR WAY THEY’RE MY FRIENDS AND THEN YOU’LL ALL BE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND ANYWAY WE THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR SOMETHING CLASSY LIKE ASTRONAUT WHITE WITH A STRIP OF BLUE DOWN THE SIDE MAYBE YOU COULD GET SOME ZIPOFF PANTS INSTALLED ON YOUR BIKE AND WEAR SUNGLASSES AND GROW YOUR HAIR LONG

FEAR OF FLYING

HI GUYS WE’RE HAVING A COUPLE OF DRINKS TO GET READY FOR OUR FLIGHT TO SYDNEY TOMORROW WE GET A BIT NERVOUS BECAUSE THEY OFTEN DON’T LET US ON THE PLANE WE’RE ALWAYS LIKE COME ON GUYS JUST LET US GET ON SERIOUSLY WE’RE FINE IT’S JUST THAT YOUR PLANE MAKES US THIRSTY PLEASE JUST LET US DRIVE IT FOR LIKE ONE MINUTE YOU CAN GIVE US AN EASY BIT THE CO PILOT CAN JUMP IN IF WE MESS IT UP WHAT DOES HE EVEN DO ANYWAY CAN WE GET SOME MORE DRINKS BACK HERE PLEASE

STUCK ON THE ROOF

HI GUYS I’M STUCK ON THE ROOF AGAIN AND I’VE NEARLY RUN OUT DRINKS HOW CAN I GET SO THIRSTY WHEN I’VE DRUNK SO MANY DRINKS I CLIMBED UP HERE BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR HAS BEEN STEALING MY BASKETBALL CARDS HE’S ALWAYS AFTER MY BARKLEYS ANYWAY I GOT UP HERE TO SPY ON HIM BUT I DIDN’T BRING ENOUGH DRINKS AND THEN ADAM SAID HE’D HELP ME FIND THE CARDS BUT HE JUST TOOK THE LADDER AWAY AND THEN HE WAS BURYING SOMETHING IN THE NEIGHBOUR’S BACKYARD AGAIN AND FELL ASLEEP OVER THERE AND IT’S BEEN A FEW HOURS NOW AND IT’S REALLY COLD UP HERE CAN SOMEONE PLEASE BRING MORE DRINKS ALSO I WATCHED ALL THREE MATRIX FILMS YESTERDAY WHAT EVEN HAPPENED THERE IT’S LIKE IT BECAME STAR WARS CROSSED WITH ACE VENTURA PET DETECTIVE AM I RIGHT HAHAHAHA GREAT REVIEWS EVERYBODY BUT SERIOUSLY PLEASE BRING MORE DRINKS WHERE ARE MY BARKLEYS

 

 

PIGSTY IN JULY

WE HAD THE BEST TIME AT PIGSTY IN JULY EVERYONE KEPT GIVING US DRINKS AND A GUY GOT ON STAGE TO BOOGIE BOARD BUT THEN HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO SO HE JUST KEPT YELLING BOOGIE BOARDING AND WAVING THE BOARD AROUND THEN AFTER THE AHOW THIS OLD LADY KEPT SAYING SHE WANTED TO FINGER ME WHAT’S FINGERING ANYWAY WE HAD A LOT MORE DRINKS AND A GIRL KEPT SINGING THE CAPTAIN PLANET THEME SONG AT KING OF THE NORTH SO WE ACCIDENTALLY LOCKED OURSELVES IN A CAR WITH NO BLANKETS AND WE NEARLY DIED BUT THANKFULLY THERE WAS SOME DRINKS IN THE CAR SO WE LITERALLY HAD THE BEST TIME SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND AT TAGO MAGO AND ALSO A COOLGUY SECRET GENERATOR PARTY

SOLD OUT FESTIVAL

HI GUYS IT’S JASON FROM THE STIFFYS HERE JUST WRITING TO ASK YOU TO PLEASE DISREGARD MY LAST POST SOMEONE TOLD US WHAT BUBBLING IS AND IT IS NOT A SKATE MOVE WE’D ALSO LIKE TO APOLOGISE TO THE PEOPLE THAT MISSED OUT ON PIGSTY IN JULY TICKETS FOR THIS WEEKEND YOU’VE GOT TO BE QUICK WITH THE STIFFYS BECAUSE ONCE LADIES FIND THE TICKETS JUST GET SNAPPED UP STIFFYS TICKETS ARE BASICALLY THE NEW MICHAEL JORDAN SKYLIGHT

OUR NEXT SHOW IS BACK IN MELBOURNE THAT’S OUR HOMETOWN SO YEAH WE BASICALLY RUN IT OUR SHOW IS AT TAGO MAGO ON SATURDAY 12 JULY OUR STIFFETTES WILL BE THERE IT’S GOING TO BE GREAT

BUBBLING

IS BUBBLING A SKATE MOVE IF SO ADAM AND I ARE BOTH GREAT AT IT WE BUBBLE ALL DAY EVERY DAY WE BASICALLY HAVE BLACK BELTS IN BUBBLING WE CAN DEFINITELY DO THIS JUST LIKE KICKFLIPS AND FACE GRINDS WE CAN DO ALL THAT STUFF

SEE YOU AT PIGSTY THIS WEEKEND IT’S A COOLGUY MUSIC FESTIVAL I HOPE THEY SELL CHRISTMAS TARTS THERE WE’VE NEARLY RUN OUT

MISSING BASKETBALL CARDS

HI GUYS IT’S JASON FROM THE STIFFYS HERE JUST WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS SEEN MY BASKETBALL CARDS I’VE GOT A SHAQUILLE O’NEAL SKYLIGHT AND A SCOTTY PIPPEN SKYLIGHT AND A CHARLES BARKLEY BUT IT WASN’T A SKYLIGHT IT WAS ONE OF THOSE EMBOSSED ONES I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT THEY’RE CALLED ALSO THERE WAS LIKE NINETEEN MICHAEL JORDAN SKYLIGHTS AND ALSO SOME POWER RANGER CARDS AND I JUST REMEMBERED I HAD SOME CASH IN THERE I LIKE TO CARRY A LOT OF CASH AROUND IT’S A MUSIC BUSINESS THING ALSO TWO CASES OF PASSIONPOP AND TWO LEATHER JACKETS AND TWO PAIRS OF SUNGLASSES AND TWO PAIRS OF REEBOKS PUMPS SO YEAH IF ANYONE FINDS THAT STUFF PLEASE BRING IT TO OUR HOUSE THANKS GUYS GREAT JOB EVERYBODY REGARDS YOUR BOYS THE STIFFYS

WELCOME TO THE INTERNET

WELCOME TO THE INTERNET EVERYBODY IT’S YOUR BOYS THE STIFFYS HERE WE’VE GOT A WEBSITE NOW IT’S BASICALLY THE SAME AS OUR FACEBOOK PAGE EXCEPT IT’S GOT A DIFFERENT COLOUR SCHEME AND YOU CAN’T LIKE POSTS AND THE COMMENTS ARE LESS PROMINENT AND IT’S NOT AS EASY TO INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER

ANYWAY YEAH IT’S GOING TO BE SO GREAT WE’RE GOING TO START WRITING BLOGS AND SOME MORE THOUGHT PROVOKING PIECES PROBABLY ONE A MONTH I’D SAY WE’RE PRETTY MUCH HARD HITTING NEWS REPORTERS NOW I CAN’T WAIT GREAT JOB EVERYBODY ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT PLEASE RT

ALSO DON’T FORGET TO VISIT OUT FACEBOOK PAGE AND REMEMBER THAT THE YOUTH ARE OUR FUTURE

PS IT’S YOUR BOY JASON FROM THE STIFFYS HERE HAS ANYONE SEEN ADAM WE WERE HAVING ALL THESE DRINKS AT THE NORTHCOTE SOCIAL CLUB LAST NIGHT AFTER OUR SHOW WITH THE GOOD CHINA AND HE KEPT TRYING TO EXPLAIN THINGS TO PEOPLE BUT THEY WERE ALL LIKE YEAH I KNOW AND THEN HE WAS ALL LIKE NO LISTEN YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME I LOVE YOU MAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MAN AND THEY WERE ALL LIKE YOU GUYS SHOULD PROBABLY GO HOME AND THEN WE WERE ALL LIKE WHERE AM I SINCE WHEN DID THEY HAVE A FRUIT AND VEGETABLE SECTION AT THE NORTHCOTE SOCIAL CLUB WHERE ARE ALL OUR FRIENDS WHERE DID ADAM GO